Monday, November 4, 2013
★The Black Ban★
Early last month I ordered a black basic Casio watch so it'll go well with most of what I wear.. And just like many online shops, I had to pre-order and wait..
Around 3rd week of October I got my order but in the wrong color. They sent me the same model but it came in White. I quickly emailed the seller and they apologized and promised to give me what I wanted but I will have to wait till November 4 (today)..
Maybe it's a coincidence that made sense.
As I am currently under a 'black ban' thing right now.
Now I'm wondering if I should return this or just use it.
If you want to know the inside story then read on!
(Note that this may sound ridiculous, silly, and too conservative for some, so you have been warned~!)
So I've been with my all black style for almost a year now, and it is clear that my relatives are not supportive about it(hmmm when did they became supportive of my always-changing-style anyway). Except for the occasional side-comments, jokes, and critics they give, they don't say much anymore cuz maybe I never listen, or they gave up, or it's their simple way of showing support (lol). Anyhow they stopped bothering me but it is clear that they are never in favor of it. Im sure.
Moving on to All-Saints-Day, we have this tradition to visit our deceased love ones on cemetery and hang out there for as long as you can spare, and have a little reunion with visiting relatives and friends. I did that and was there for couple of hours like maybe 2-3hrs.
When I came home my aunt who's sick at that time said that when she saw me she started feeling even more worse. The next day she really did got more sick and was rushed to the hospital. T^T
My cousin who had a gift (third eye) saw me later that night and didn't recognize me, she said that she thought I was a visitor because I literally had different face with long black hair..
Okaiiiii at first I was like scared shitless cuz that never happened to me before... The next thing I knew, my cousin's declaring that I brought a spirit with me from the cemetery and it was why my Aunt was feeling worse.
She prayed over me, and the whole house..sort of a mild-exorcism(?) I had to read aloud Psalm 23,25&27!!
Then came in the comments about me wearing black all the time, the accessories I buy, the type of things I see and feed on the internet, how I am a goth and that invited bad spirits and energies..etc..
They even said that I used to dress so colorful and alive but something changed me and made me into something very dark ....Even my make-up is inspired from the dead/ghosts.. They also told me that buying stuff from Ukay-ukay (thriftshops) is not good since I don't know where the clothes came from and maybe it was used on some cursed ways and are possessed..
Even I'm quite offended by this time I cannot disregard everything they said because I honestly felt weird that day..
I felt like an annoyance to everybody, a burden, and I felt like when I try to help out I always end up rejected, messed up, or help not needed at all.
Then I question why do I even bother being nice to people. Why I exert effort to help. I am angry and mad and fed up of being too fucking nice.. (Although in general I think I'm an arrogant self centered selfie girl??or at least thats how my sis makes me feel or thats how I think she makes me feel lol whtvr)
Those thoughts are all in my head, I was too negative..etc..
The whole day I'm not my usual self and isolated myself from people..
I firmly believe that they are wrong about me being all too goth, cuz honestly at the end of the day these are all just clothes. And to judge people basing on their appearance is something I strongly against!!
Were right about exposing myself too much info here on the internet that I may not know if it's bad for me or whatever...(Am I really that dumb tho?? IDK)
If you've read everything then please have the authority to give me guidance, your opinion, or a piece of advice! Thank you po !