Monday, November 4, 2013

★The Black Ban★

Early last month I ordered a black basic Casio watch so it'll go well with most of what I wear.. And just like many online shops, I had to pre-order and wait..
Around 3rd week of October I got my order but in the wrong color. They sent me the same model but it came in White. I quickly emailed the seller and they apologized and promised to give me what I wanted but I will have to wait till November 4 (today)..

Maybe it's a coincidence that made sense.

As I am currently under a 'black ban' thing right now.
Now I'm wondering if I should return this or just use it.
If you want to know the inside story then read on!

(Note that this may sound ridiculous, silly, and too conservative for some, so you have been warned~!)

So I've been with my all black style for almost a year now, and it is clear that my relatives are not supportive about it(hmmm when did they became supportive of my always-changing-style anyway). Except for the occasional side-comments, jokes, and critics they give, they don't say much anymore cuz maybe I never listen, or they gave up, or it's their simple way of showing support (lol). Anyhow they stopped bothering me but it is clear that they are never in favor of it. Im sure.

Moving on to All-Saints-Day, we have this tradition to visit our deceased love ones on cemetery and hang out there for as long as you can spare, and have a little reunion with visiting relatives and friends. I did that and was there for couple of hours like maybe 2-3hrs.

When I came home my aunt who's sick at that time said that when she saw me she started feeling even more worse. The next day she really did got more sick and was rushed to the hospital. T^T
My cousin who had a gift (third eye) saw me later that night and didn't recognize me, she said that she thought I was a visitor because I literally had different face with long black hair..

Okaiiiii at first I was like scared shitless cuz that never happened to me before... The next thing I knew, my cousin's declaring that I brought a spirit with me from the cemetery and it was why my Aunt was feeling worse.
She prayed over me, and the whole house..sort of a mild-exorcism(?) I had to read aloud Psalm 23,25&27!!
Then came in the comments about me wearing black all the time, the accessories I buy, the type of things I see and feed on the internet, how I am a goth and that invited bad spirits and energies..etc..
They even said that I used to dress so colorful and alive but something changed me and made me into something very dark ....Even my make-up is inspired from the dead/ghosts.. They also told me that buying stuff from Ukay-ukay (thriftshops) is not good since I don't know where the clothes came from and maybe it was used on some cursed ways and are possessed..

Even I'm quite offended by this time I cannot disregard everything they said because I honestly felt weird that day..
I felt like an annoyance to everybody, a burden, and I felt like when I try to help out I always end up rejected, messed up, or help not needed at all.
Then I question why do I even bother being nice to people. Why I exert effort to help. I am angry and mad and fed up of being too fucking nice.. (Although in general I think I'm an arrogant self centered selfie girl??or at least thats how my sis makes me feel or thats how I think she makes me feel lol whtvr)
Those thoughts are all in my head, I was too negative..etc..
The whole day I'm not my usual self and isolated myself from people..

I firmly believe that they are wrong about me being all too goth, cuz honestly at the end of the day these are all just clothes. And to judge people basing on their appearance is something I strongly against!!
Were right about exposing myself too much info here on the internet that I may not know if it's bad for me or whatever...(Am I really that dumb tho?? IDK)

If you've read everything then please have the authority to give me guidance, your opinion, or a piece of advice! Thank you po !

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  1. Harro yaptus, i'm one of your avid blog reader/Fan/stalker LOL~!
    just be yourself yaporu. I think there's nothing wrong with your fashion styles/beliefs naman eh, I love goth fashion too. Ang important naman po is gawin mo kung anong sa tingin mo yung mga bagay na ikatutuwa mo. Nice title btw :)

  2. I think you can just keep the white watch, it looks pretty stylish and you could wear it with black outfits too! ^^

    Yes to clothes just being clothes! I also have some conservative relatives who give me flak for skulls, but in the end what you wear doesn't make you a better or worse person at all -_-

    Having a distinct sense of style is bound to get all sorts of reactions, so at least you can say you're not boring! Just see this temporary black ban as a challenge to push your coordinate styling further. There's always white and many shades of grey/charcoal ;)

  3. Just do what you want :) We, Filipinos really have no psychological capacity to understand the things we are wearing. Filipinos are also famous for our incoherence by stereotyping people- thinking that those who are wearing all-blacks have 'spirits with them'. They are trying to institutionalize everything that they are also being blinded by the old myths and sayings of our country that should be buried far long ago; not thinking that everything is a hoax. That is why I do believe that just stay what you are and don't listen to them at all. Good day, Miss Yapo.

  4. "I firmly believe that they are wrong about me being all too goth, cuz
    honestly at the end of the day these are all just clothes." I like this one. A LOT.

  5. Dear Yapo, I don't know about the cultural inheritance/spirit thing of your family and I don't wanna trample over it BUT I have to say it is fairly easy to project things that happen onto something that you don't like. I honestly think it is a very bad way to treat their own family like they treat you and make you feel "guilty" - you are in no way responsible for your aunts health and especially not your clothes!! I can rely to you because I also had problems when I was dressing goth(ish) and people thought I would pray to Satan oO Just because I liked the look... I hope your family one day understands that it is your way of expressing yourself and maybe they should think a bit more about how you feel instead of only focusing on their own feelings. At least that was my feeling about how they treated you ._. Hope your aunt gets better and things will settle for you! <3

  6. With all your respect, I don't think that wearing black invites bad spirits. I mean, think about how wedding dresses (at least in Europe) used to be black (in fact the history of a black wedding dress is longer than white dress'). :) Black is just a color that has gotten a bad reputation without actually being bad, imo.

  7. oops i sent my message on your tumblr 'cause disqus isn't loading earlier. read it there please! xx

  8. Whatever did or did not happen, I doubt it has anything to do with wearing black clothes or being goth. When bad things happen, people like to have a scapegoat, something/someone they can project their feelings on. No offence to your family of course, but I think it's all a bit disrespectful :( Hope your aunt gets well soon though!

  9. There's nothing wrong w/ the way you dress and such, it has nothing to do with your aunt and the spirit that got attach to you, I highly doubt it.

    Most of my entire life I've experience lots of paranormal stuff, here in the US, and Philippines. As far as I'm concern, ghosts get attach to anybody regardless of nationality, the way people dress, talk etc......usually for a reason - they need help, or bad have intentions.

    I love to dressing up punk mix being girly myself - believe me, I've been teased a lot for it too (especially most of my influence is Japanese fashion) My experience being in the Philippines - I get stared a lot, same w/ my sister. It's so easy for people to judge you for your appearance (sadly) but don't let it get to ya.

    You don't need to change for anyone, ok beautiful? :)

  10. Yaps, like I said, wag mo nalang pansinin. Wear whatever the fuck you want, cos only that will make us happy. Mababaw na nga tayo for being happy just with wearing what we want, pati ba naman yun kukunin nila satin >:(

    ALSO! Share ko lang sayo one of my current favorite lines from GazettE's songs:

    本質を忘れ掴む白が正しいのなら何よりも深い黒に // If the white I grasp when I abandon my essence is the proper thing, then I’ll go on to the deepest black.

  11. Mas kailangan talaga na hayaan natin yung mga tao. Mas mahalaga lang talaga yung gusto natin. Di nila dapat ipilit ang gusto nila sa'tin./SupportingYapo

  12. I think you look great in whatever style you wear but above all you should wear what makes you most happy! Even if that means other people think you "don't look like yourself". People change, we don't look the same forever and we're not the same person we were a year ago. I know there's a cultural difference compared to where I live, but I don't think wearing black brings in bad spirits, it just seems far too unrelated to me. Regardless, sometimes I feel the way you felt that day as well. Especially being a girl, I think there's a high chance it could be hormones. Even without being PMS, sometimes I have random days where I feel incredibly anti-social and annoyed. Anyways, just make sure to keep yourself happy, Yapo *hugs* (*❦ω❦)

  13. Btw, hopefully you're unaffected by the storm right now > <

  14. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with wearing all black/goth. And I also understand that it may hurt a bit more because those words came from your family. But as you said, they're just clothes. Remember when we saw each other in Starbucks before? I was studying with my best friend, right? Well, she also always wears black, and she doesn't give a fuck what anyone says. Just as long as she likes what she wears and it makes her happy. Her dad sometimes comments on the way she dresses but her mom defends her by saying "it's the style". So there, it's just "style", nothing else.

    So do what makes you happy and forget the rest.

  15. Hey Yapo, pahabol, don't mind them. di naman madadala sa langit yang porma mo e. ang mahalaga ay yung laman ng puso. and besides, creativity is from God. and you're not using it on a karumaldumal way. right? not just because it's diffferent it doesn't mean that it's bad. and God created night, or rather the color black. so, go for it. and lastly, don't stop being nice to your family. they should be ashamed of themselves treating you as if you're not a family member. parang sila yung may kakaibang ispirito sa ugali nila. ugh sheesh cheer up yo