Tuesday, December 29, 2015

s a y o n a r a

Another year is ending in two days and it makes me reminiscent of the things that has happened. Most of this year was spent being clueless what to do with my life, I was just floating aimlessly, getting by somehow.
Coming here in UK, I felt a bit disoriented with my goals, as I need to start from scratch in terms of career and pretty much everything else. Looking back, I was constantly worrying but I easily distract myself with the help of anime, some gaming, and social media. Having random part time jobs kept me on my feet but sure is never enough. I’m a ball of unsure and whatever-goes.
Lonely, insecure with my communication skills, and broke in a strange land. I’ve never been so sick of my disposition in life. Despite how I felt, I keep telling myself how grateful and thankful that I get to be here. So I went out and met people,just for the sake of trying. but just when you think it couldn’t get any worse, I got rejected and end up badly hurt emotionally. Whatever’s left of my self confidence all went down the drain and I grew hateful and mistrustful..

I was about to give up and accept how shit this year is then he suddenly came out of nowhere! He gave life back to me, gave me direction and hope. Inspired me to dust off myself, stand up and give it another try.. The moment I saw him the world went in slow motion! All the bitterness I had in me disappeared. In an instant I understood. It was like The Revelations as I truly felt the Universe unfolded to me why I had to go through all the shitty situations. To prepare myself for him.

A month later, I got accepted for permanent full-time job position. Everything happened so fast! Just before the year ends my life went on a 360 turn and I’m looking forward to what’s in store for next year with him.

However bad and ugly this year is, it is also magical and beautiful.
And of course, I wouldn’t be in one piece if it weren’t for my few friends and family who supported and never gave up on me. Hello Ali, Janine, Maya, Kathy and my mom. To my sister Faye and to my readers and online buddies. Thanks everyone!!

Most especially to my Adam. Let’s hold hands and look forward to our future together! :)

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